I’ll Find You

What’s up everybody?! Hello from South Afr… oh, wait nope still out here in Honduras… At the moment half of our squad is stuck here in Honduras and the other half is stuck in New Jersey due to complications with positive COVID tests and direct exposure. The New Jersey crew has had a wild week trying to get to South Africa a couple different times just to have to abandon those flights while at the airport already. Here in Honduras we have been in the same hotel for a week now after already being in a house where we were trying to stay in bubbles for a week. 

So basically people are losing their minds. I have been losing my mind. I want to get out of this dang country and hotel. I also have had thoughts of wanting to go home. It’s been a struggle these last few weeks and things weren’t looking great going forward with South Africa being pretty shut down. So would it be worth my time to stay when I can go home to where there is no longer restrictions? Praise God! Hope you all enjoy that and don’t take it for granted! And with the struggle of getting to South Africa it started looking more real that God wasn’t wanting us there. 

Our squad is kind of in shambles right now if I’m being honest. People are leaving, frustrations are evident, trust is lacking, and chaos is constant. Being stuck in a hotel room as everything unfolds and irritation grows while you’re in a tight space leads to a cloudy frustrated mind. But shoot it’s time to get back right. I can’t be making decisions or even have my perspective and attitude swayed by the frustrations and cloudiness in my mind. Again it’s time to refocus on God. God needs to be the focus.

Last night while working out, one of the few things keeping me sane, “I’ll Find You” by Lecrae and Tori Kelley came on. I’ve always loved this song but last night it hit differently. You should go listen to the song, but here’s the lyrics that hit:

 

[Chorus: Tori Kelly]

Just fight a little longer, my friend

It’s all worth it in the end

But when you got nobody to turn to

Just hold on and I’ll find you

I’ll find you

I’ll find you

Just hold on and I’ll find you

 

[Verse 1: Lecrae]

I’m hangin’ on by a thread

And all I’m clingin’ to is prayers

And every breath is like a battle

I feel like I ain’t come prepared

And death’s knockin’ on the front door

Pain’s creepin’ through the back

Fear’s crawlin’ through the windows

Waitin’ for ’em to attack

They say “Don’t get bitter, get better.”

I’m workin’ on switchin’ them letters

But tell God I’ma need a whole lotta hope keepin’ it together

 

[Pre-Chorus: Lecrae]

The world tryna play with my soul

I’m just tryna find where to go

I’m tryna remember the way

I’m tryna get back to my home

But I can’t do this on my own

That’s why I’m just trustin’ in You

‘Cause I don’t know where else to go

And I don’t know what else to do

 

[Verse 2: Lecrae]

They say fear haunts and pain hates

I say pain strengthens and fear drives faith

And I don’t know all of the outcomes

Don’t know what happens tomorrow

But when that ocean of doubt comes

Don’t let me drown in my sorrow

And don’t let me stay at the bottom

I feel like this hole is too deep to climb

I’ve been lookin’ for a way out

But I’ll settle for a peace of mind

Pickin’ up the pieces of my life

And hopin’ that I’ll put together somethin’ right

Tell me all I got is all I need

Tell me you gon’ help me stay and fight

 

[Bridge: Tori Kelly]

No don’t let the fear make you feel

Like you can’t fight this on your own

You know I – I’ll be there for you no matter where you go

You’ll never be alone, no

 

God is going to find me where I am at. I got to keep going because it will all be worth it in the end. For me while listening to this song I started seeing clearly that God has more for me on this trip. That on the other side of this mess we are in right now He’s going to be with us. That beauty will come from these ashes. 

I’m not trying to say that everybody should power through this situation specifically, because people leaving are in a different place than me. This song I still feel applies. God will meet you in whatever decision you make. He’s got plans to be with you and help you fight wherever you are at. He is all that we need. Let’s run to Him amidst the chaos. But when we make a decision let’s put our heads down and not look back. Let’s trust God will be with us and fighting for us with whatever may come.

We have seen God direct this trip a lot in the midst of this. It seemed South Africa was not where God wanted us to be, and that appears true because we are no longer going there but instead heading toward Eastern Europe to Romania.

I don’t know much about Romania but I am excited because I feel God has a lot in store for myself, for our squad and for the people we will meet in Romania. 

On to Europe hopefully this week!! Prayers please!

 

I love y’all a lot! Jesus loves you a heck of a lot more!!

 

Peace,

JD